


Love ≠ Happiness

by Eye_Candy



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Angst, Band Fic, Drama, First Love, Friendship, Love, Moving On, Multi, Original Character(s), Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 06:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6692953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eye_Candy/pseuds/Eye_Candy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Romantic Comedies, when you have a close friend with whom you spend all your time and call late at night because you love him secretly, you always end up marrying him and live happily ever after. In real life, when you have a close friend with whom you spend all your time and call late at night because you love him secretly, said friend meet someone, introduces you to his girlfriend, end up marrying her and you are the best man at his wedding. BREAKING NEWS : LIFE IS A BITCH.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love ≠ Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Asianfanfics Bloom in Gyu 2016 event for Sunggyu's birthday.

Sunggyu was a tedious person. He liked the smooth path of routine scheduling his days. Waking up, go to work, go back home, dine in front of the news channel before going to sleep. His job as an accountant reflected his like of order and predictability. The only unpredictable things he allowed in his life was his group of friends. All different, all unique in their own ways. The bunch of them met in college and happened to stick together up until now.

First came Woohyun, his best friend among them. Contrary to what people might think, they were diametrically opposed. Woohyun was a social butterfly, a funny fellow people immediately felt drawn to. Maybe the reason why they clicked so well was because Woohyun kicked him out of his comfort zone, and as much as Sunggyu hated it, he must admit that most of the best things he experienced were initiated by Woohyun’s stubbornness to make him see the outside world. After college, Woohyun found a job in the artistic team of a huge magazine, which suited him well.

But the funniest thing about Woohyun might be the man sharing his life. Said guy’s temper was closer than Sunggyu, and the oldest of the gang figured that’s why he liked him so much. He could relate to Howon more than he did with Woohyun. Howon was a quiet person, and even Sunggyu himself –who was considered good at reading people– couldn’t read him half of the time. He was a hardworking lad, perfectionist to no end and took his job to heart. Howon was a doctor, and even if his job took a huge part of his life, the couple seemed to manage. They had been together for years, and Sunggyu thought that if they actually could tie the knot, they would have done it already.

Third person coming to mind was Sungyeol. Much like Woohyun, only more high on sugar and childish as fuck. Sunggyu always found it almost endearing, how easy it was to pick up on him. Sungyeol was the funniest person he knew, most of it was at his own expense due to incurable clumsiness. Sunggyu remembered that during college, Sungyeol had been fired of multiples part-time jobs because he was really clumsy. Sunggyu blamed it on his lanky limbs. Thankfully, he got better as he matured –just a bit– and was now working as a barista in a nice coffee shop. Sunggyu often dropped by since it was close to his office.

Then, there was Myungsoo. Handsome Myungsoo, 4D Myungsoo, dreamer Myungsoo. Sunggyu got mesmerized the first time he saw him, because this level of perfect looks in one sole individual was completely unfair to the rest of mankind. But contrary to appearances, Myungsoo was a humble, shy kid who spend his time hiding in the darkroom of the Photography department to develop his camera film. After college, Myungsoo got lucky and found a gallery ready to expose his works. He was now living of this pictures, which was his dream to begin with. He was also the most well-off among them, Sunggyu might had.

Sungjong, the maknae of the group, had always been resourceful and imaginative, which predestined him to a creative career like Myungsoo. Oddly though, he chose a completely different path. While Sunggyu was in his thirties, Sungjong, was only twenty-six and determined to enjoy his twenties to the last second. Maybe that was the reason why he embraced a career of preschool teacher. Being around toddlers five days per week might be a continual cure of youth. Sungjong loved his job, Sunggyu noticed. He respected his dongsaeng for being able to put up with kids, because he definitely couldn’t.

And, last but not least, there was Dongwoo. God, Sunggyu could spend all his life talking about him and still be at it at his last breath. If Sunggyu was to use an image to describe him, he will hesitate between a sun and a star. A sun because Dongwoo was warm and made everyone around him feel better just by smiling at them. A star because whenever Sunggyu felt lost, Dongwoo was his light in the darkness. Sunggyu remembered when they first met, in the queue of a coffee shop. Dongwoo took his coffee and was about to leave but when he turned around, he bumped into him, spilling hot burning coffee all over Sunggyu’s shirt. Sunggyu was about to get angry at the stupid moron ruining his shirt and morning but was left speechless when his eyes met Dongwoo’s sorry puppy eyes as he continuously apologized. He was lucky Sunggyu found him too cute for words to be mad at him. Turned out, they attended the same university, only different departments. Dongwoo was a performing arts majoring in dance, driven by a passion Sunggyu found mesmerizing. Everything about Dongwoo was, actually. He was so bright and cheerful and genuine and kind and so much more, Sunggyu did not take long to fall in love. And who wouldn’t have ? Dongwoo was just too loveable to resist. He was polite, well-mannered, respectful, kind… An angel, literally.

But as aware as Sunggyu was of his feelings, he was never able to convey them. He knew Dongwoo wasn’t into guys, and even if he knew the younger would never outcast him for being gay or liking him, he feared their relationship would be damaged by it so he never confessed. Over the years, he managed to hide his unrequited love quite well. Dongwoo was oblivious when it concerned him so it was easy, really. Even if he wanted to be more than his friend, the knowledge that it would break them apart was enough for Sunggyu to restrain himself. Who needed more, when Dongwoo only needed to smile at him to make his heart race ? When his simple presence made Sunggyu the happiest man on Earth ? Of course, he could contempt himself with that.

Of course, he could not. After university, everyone scattered, meeting only once a week to dine in a restaurant close to their university in memory of their college years. Soon, their weekly meetings turned to one a month, because everyone was busy with their respective jobs. They all maintained contact via phone calls or mails anyway, in was the 21st century. No need to say, Dongwoo was the one Sunggyu called the most. He also saw him more than the others, mostly because Kim Sunggyu couldn’t live without seeing Jang Dongwoo. Despite his laziness and distaste for physical activities, he got a membership on the same gym Dongwoo went to three times a week and went to work out with him. Work out was a big word, since Sunggyu basically did nothing but help Dongwoo through his own routine and basically just enjoying watching him and being with him.

Sunggyu could have spent all his life like this. Working, seeing Dongwoo as much as he could and the rest of his good friends at their mandatory monthly gathering. But of course, life wasn’t supposed to be like that. The great imbalance of his life began a year and half ago. Sunggyu remembered that fated day. He guessed he would always remember. The gang was meeting at the usual restaurant. Everyone was gathered around the table, the barbecue waiting to be done. Only one person was missing.

“Can someone call Dongwoo hyung ? I’m starving !” their maknae pouted.

“Just be a bit patient.” Sunggyu said. “Touch that and you’re dead.” he said coldly to Sungyeol, the said man immediately withdrawing his hand from the food. “We are waiting for him.”

“I don’t remember such consideration when my shift kept me in the hospital later than expected.” Hoya mentioned.

“You’re a doctor. Who knows how long you could’ve been held back. We couldn’t starve waiting for you.” Sunggyu snapped back. “I’ll call him. It’s not like Dongwoo to be late without notice.”

As Sunggyu took his phone, ready to make the call, the tinkle of a bell was heard, signalling the opening of the restaurant’s door. Sunggyu felt his lips curve up instantly, his mood brightened by the sight of Dongwoo. He was about to call for him when he noticed that instead of looking around for them, the younger looked behind him, keeping the door open. A young woman followed closely, smiling at him. When Sunggyu noticed their linked hands, he felt stabbed right through his heart, his breath caught in his throat. Dongwoo looked so happy, he smiled so brightly, yet, for the first time since he laid eyes upon him, his smile crushed Sunggyu’s heart. He was quick enough to put on his usual mask, remembering he was among his friends. He couldn’t let them notice his distress over something he shouldn’t care about.

“Hey guys ! Sorry I’m late !” Dongwoo beamed at them. “I brought someone I would like you all to meet. I hope you won’t mind. Everyone, this is [Ahn Hyejin](http://www.wn.com.vn/product_images/uploaded_images/ao-khac-da-ni-289893291-3-.jpg). She is an actress I met on the musical I’m currently in, and we’ve been seeing each other for three months now so it felt about time to introduce her.”

“Nonsense !” Woohyun exclaimed. “How can such a pretty lady have so low standards ? You’re being rude, not allowing that lady to seat before your monologue.” he told Dongwoo, grabbing an empty chair to pull it at their table. “Milady.” he said, charming, and the young woman laughed lightly, taking the seat between Woohyun and the maknae.

Sunggyu was satisfied to hear Woohyun yelp as Howon gave him a well-placed nudge in the ribs. He couldn’t stand his disgustingly cheesy friend on a daily basis, but now it was just unbearable.

“Dongwoo hyung, come over here !” Sungjong waved at him, standing up to let his seat to Dongwoo and allow the couple to sit together. “I’ll sit next to Sunggyu hyung.” He said when Dongwoo wondered where he would go.

The mention of his name made Dongwoo look at him. Sunggyu felt himself forcing a smile, but his heart wasn’t in it. Astonishing, he thought, because the smiles he gave Dongwoo were always genuine. Well, Sunggyu guessed it wasn’t always anymore. Concerned about the necessity to repress his feelings, he locked himself in silence, barely following the conversation his friends started.

“So Hyejin-shi, you’re an actress ?” Sungyeol asked with interest.

“Yes. I only act in musicals though.”

“It must be fascinating.” Myungsoo added.

“Well, when you have a passion, it’s an exciting adventure.” She said, turning slightly to smile at Dongwoo who smiled back.

“I thought of being a singer when I was in high school.” Woohyun chirped up. “But since my parents’ insisted on the fact that I should get a degree, I ended up studying creative arts applied to marketing and advertising and I fell for it.”

“So what are you doing now ?” Hyejin asked, seeming genuinely interested.

“I’m the manager of the artistic team of _Mademoiselle_ Korea.” he said humbly.

“Oh my God ! I love this magazine !” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together.

“Makes me think, Woohyun hyung, when do you need my answer for the shoot you proposed me ?” Myungsoo asked.

“Well, as soon as possible.” Woohyun said, looking back at him. “Myungsoo here is a photographer, he agrees to work with us sometimes.”

“But I’m more of an artist.” The said photographer said. “I expose in a gallery in Hongdae.”

“It’s close to the coffee shop I work in. I’m a barista.” Sungyeol said.

“And I’m a preschool teacher.” Sungjong raised his hand.

“Wow, that’s amazing how you’re all from diverse backgrounds !” she marvelled. “It’s a real wealth.”

“Tell us how you guys got together.” Woohyun asked for the gossip once they put the girl at ease. “Dongwoo said you’ve been seeing each other for three months but he never mentioned you. I’m curious.”

“Yes, tell us Hyejin-shi !” Sungyeol encouraged.

As his friends at their attention focused on the newcomer, Sunggyu felt increasingly bad. The joyful atmosphere of the gathering was overbearing, and seeing Dongwoo and his girlfriend being lovey-dovey, feeding each other and such was making him sick. Feeling invisible, he was surprised to see all the eyes turning to him as he stood up abruptly.

“I need a smoke.” He lamely justified.

“You started to smoke again ?” Sungjong asked, disapproving.

Sunggyu didn’t even gave him an answer and purposely avoided Dongwoo’s eyes as he fled the packed restaurant, welcoming the fresh air with a relieved sigh as he stepped outside. Sunggyu had quit smoking like he used to, but out of habit, he kept his menthol cigarettes close for cases of extreme urgency, like his current anxious state. His hand curled on the familiar packet of the inside pocket of his coat and he pulled it out to get one before putting it back. He fumbled his pockets, looking for a lighter, when a little flame emerged from a familiar zippo in front of him. Sunggyu lit his cigarette up and looked up to give its owner a thankful look. Howon had a small smile, the kind which said more than words. Himself grabbed his own pack of smokes and pulled out a cigarette, lit it and took a puff.

“So much for being a doctor.” Sunggyu pointed out with a smirk.

Howon smiled at that, shrugging his shoulders lazily.

“It’s what I call the doctor paradox: do what you tell your patients not to.”

Despite his mood, Sunggyu couldn’t help but laugh.

“Haven’t you promised Woohyun you’ll stop as a New Year’s resolution ?” he teased.

“I promised him the same thing every year for nearly seven years. I think he got the hang of it.” Howon said back with a hint of mischievous smile.

“He’ll notice the smell.” Sunggyu said, knowing his best friend. “He’ll be pissed.”

“I’ll say it’s you.” Howon said confidently.

“We don’t smoke the same cigarettes. Yours are way stronger than mine.”

“I will say you wanted to smoke but you didn’t have cigarettes so I gave you mine.”

“Always an answer to everything.” Sunggyu shook his head. “You should’ve been a dentist. You lie through your teeth.”

Howon exhaled his smoke on Sunggyu’s face to revenge, making the eldest wince.

“Yah Lee Howon !” he exclaimed, disgusted.

Howon laughed, a bright, booming sound that made Sunggyu’s annoyance melt into a fond smile. He smacked the younger’s head on principle but it was only pro forma.

“It’s better to see you like this, hyung.” Howon said. “You didn’t looked so good in there.”

This brought back the reason why Sunggyu was standing out, reviving a bad habit, instead of enjoying a meal with his friends. His expression darkened immediately and he took an angry puff at his cigarette.

“What are you going to do ?” Howon asked.

“About what ?” Sunggyu said, sounding harsher than he intended.

“Dongwoo hyung… Are you going to man up and confess to him ?” Howon asked casually.

Sunggyu coughed loudly, but not because of smoking. He looked at his dongsaeng as if he fell off the moon.

“How ?” was the only word his shocked self was able to utter.

“We’re too similar, Sunggyu hyung.” Howon said, looking up at the night’s sky. “I guess that’s why I noticed… I acted the same way around Woohyun before we got together.”

“How long ?” Sunggyu asked again, a tiny bit of amelioration in his sentences’ construction.

“I was always suspicious I guess…” Howon said sincerely. “But what really gave you away was the trip after we graduated.”

“Ah, the memories we made there…” Sunggyu sighed contentedly, reminiscing their past. “Have you told Woohyun ?”

Howon shook his head firmly.

“As much as I love him, this is not my decision to make.”

“And that’s why I feel the closest to you.” Sunggyu grinned, squeezing his shoulder. “Thank you for your discretion Howon-ah.”

“It’s normal hyung. I’m your friend.”

Howon sounded so earnest Sunggyu felt moved. The two men didn’t spoke for a while, until Sunggyu managed to ask the question taunting him.

“Do you think anyone noticed ? I mean, beside you.”

Howon reflected on the eventuality.

“Sungjongie is the only one observant enough, but I think he would’ve come to you if he had suspicions.” Howon said. “And about Dongwoo hyung, you know how oblivious he is about himself.”

“I know.” Sunggyu said with a tender smile. “He is so dense sometimes… but it’s endearing.”

“Come on hyung.” Howon smacked this back in a manly way. “Let’s go back inside. And no more mourning.”

Sunggyu laughed at that, crushing his cigarette on the asphalt. Their return met the exclamations of their friends, Myungsoo asking why they were out for so long and Sungjong nagging at his hyungs, teacher’s mode activated, rolling his eyes and lecturing them saying smoking was bad and it gave cancer and _seriously Howon hyung, you’re a doctor !_

Woohyun wasn’t a fool either and gave Howon a look, the kind which could be translated along the lines _we’ll talk about this when we’ll get home_ and _you’re definitely sleeping on the couch for an indeterminate period_ , which make Sunggyu pity his dongsaeng. Howon seemed more worried about him though, because the rest of the dinner was spend with eyes-check and silent eyes conversations between them. Sunggyu couldn’t remember the number of times he signified Howon he was fine through his eyes. What he could remember though was the excruciating pain his heart went through each time his eyes wondered on the newly established couple.

 

Time is supposed to heal all wounds. Sunggyu cursed the initiator of that lie. Time didn’t made his unrequited love fade during all those years, and since Dongwoo had gotten himself a girlfriend, the pain increased tenfold, each day more aching. Before he had at least Dongwoo beside him as a friend. Now that the said man was in a relationship, his girlfriend seemed to take all his time. Finished, the weekly appointments at the gym. Ended, their usual Friday movie night. Over, the Sunday’s brunch. All the activities that were “just the two of them” were replaced on Dongwoo’s schedule, a girlfriend requiring more attention than a friend.

Sunggyu wandered into his life as a wandering soul, a lifeless shadow of himself. The only loophole he got was his job, but even his neat and precise routine was difficult to perform. Simply put, Kim Sunggyu was lost without Jang Dongwoo, the pivot of his existence. It would have been easier if Sunggyu managed to be angry at him for abandoning him, but the only feeling he managed to have was sadness and regret. It wasn’t Dongwoo’s fault if Sunggyu couldn’t let go of his stupid feelings. He was the one to blame for everything.

The only positive that Sunggyu discerned in this dark horizon was that he now had a confidant in the person of Howon, the man patiently and attentively listening to all of his complaints. He was the reason why Sunggyu had not cancelled his subscription to the gym to wallow in self-pity in his bed. They started to see each other regularly after the first time Dongwoo introduced his girlfriend to the gang, depending on Sunggyu’s need to talk to someone. In addition to being a great listener and counsellor, Howon was also a doctor, meaning a free way to medical care and prescriptions, which was always good.

To say their friends were surprised by this sudden closeness would not be true. Everyone noticed Dongwoo had less time to meet with the guys, so when Howon started to hang out with Sunggyu, everyone found it normal. Everyone was moving on with their lives, meaning some things would change and not be the same. They were so often together that Woohyun once joked about the fact that if Sunggyu wasn’t like a brother to him, he would get worried at how close the two have gotten. It has been a year and a half, since that fateful night, and Sunggyu was getting home after a day of hard work. He grabbed his mail in his apartment’s hall without looking at it and climbed the stairs till the sixth floor, the elevator being broken again.

He threw the mail on the kitchen table as he got into his apartment, checking the clock on the wall. He wanted to go work out to take his mind out of things, but since he wasn’t much of a sports fan, he needed someone to motivate him. He thought of calling Howon before realising the younger told him he had a night shift. He briefly considered to call Dongwoo but shook his head. The couple’s voicemail with Dongwoo and Hyejin’s intermingled voices was torture to his ears.

He sighed, ready to go through the domestic and boring task to go through the mail. He took the small pile of letters. Bill, bill, bill, a letter from his bank, most likely a monthly report on his accounts, a bunch of flyers for nearby restaurants… nothing out of the ordinary. But what caught his gaze was a big envelop, white and gold, and his name and address written in calligraphic fashion with what should have been a fountain pen. His curiosity piqued, he dropped the other letters on the table and went to his office to grab his paperknife and opened the envelop carefully. He wasn’t ready for what was inside.

For a second, everything went blank, and his heart itself seemed to slow his pace. But that no man’s land of feelings was quickly erased by the war of emotions in him. He was too confused and shocked to know what had the strongest impact, sadness, pain and anger. He only knew that his whole body was frozen and numb while his heart was torn to shreds. He knew he shouldn’t feel this way. He knew that, as Dongwoo’s hyung and friend, he should rejoice for him and wish him the best. But Sunggyu wasn’t just a hyung and friend, even if Dongwoo only saw him in that light. He was a man with feelings, a man who just received a wedding invitation from the one he loved for the past seven years. He was definitely getting drunk tonight.

Sunggyu usually avoided getting drunk, because it was something that made him lose control of his usually collected self. In addition to that, Sunggyu had a tendency to have open-heart talks with himself or anyone around when he was pissed, so he always avoided alcohol during groups gathering. Sunggyu is a mess when he starts his umpteenth bottle of soju, having a deep conversation with one green glass bottles and he poured himself a drink from another.

“Yah !” he pointed his finger at the bottle despite a voice in the back of his head –probably his mother’s- nagging that it’s not polite to point fingers. “You really are… _Really_ are stupid.” He said drunkenly, insisting on his word. “You’re way _way_ too old for this shit ! Thirty for God’s sake ! You ! You should be the one to settle down and get married, you !” he accusingly pointed his finger at the bottle. “Instead you’re wallowing over unrequited love like a freaking teenager ! I’m ashamed of being you !”

Sunggyu definitely could’ve keep on blaming the bottles around him for everything that was wrong in his life if his phone didn’t rang. He looked around, trying to see the damn thing. He grabbed the buzzing phone on the table and accepted the call when he saw the ID.

“Hyung are you ok ?” was the first thing Howon asked. “I got a text from Woohyun, saying we received… well… in the mail…”

“I know.” Sunggyu said, giggling at his dongsaeng’s obvious uneasiness. “I got it too.”

“You’re drunk.”

It wasn’t a question, but a statement. Sunggyu didn’t bother to deny it. Howon let out a deep sigh, and Sunggyu could almost see him ran a hand through his hair, another habit he had when stressed.

“I’m coming over.”

Another statement. Most of the time, Sunggyu found it admirable, how Howon could take the lead and make quick decisions. It was one of the reasons why he was a great ER doctor. But right now, Sunggyu just wanted to be alone.

“Don’t bother. Go back to Woohyun and leave me alone.” Sunggyu said, sounding harsh.

Sadly, even though Sunggyu was stubborn, Howon was the same as him and didn’t back down despite Sunggyu’s threatening tone.

“You’re lucky I’m still in the hospital. I’ll get you some medicine.” Was all Howon said before hanging up on him without notice, making Sunggyu grumble about disrespectful and stubborn dongsaengs.

 When Howon came in –he had no difficulty to enter, he knew Sunggyu’s door code– he found Sunggyu drunk, staring into nothingness. Howon sat next to him, putting a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. He didn’t take more for Sunggyu to break down. He felt sick, from both heartache and alcohol, and now he was blinded by tears, sobs shaking his body. It felt slightly better though, when Howon hugged him, making him lean on his strong chest. He didn’t whispered comforting bullshit, what Sunggyu couldn’t tolerate. The constant, comforting rub of his back though was something he felt grateful for.

The day after, as much as Howon predicted, felt awful. He was too dizzy to run to the toilets so he picked up the little basin –since when he got this ?– to puke his guts out, thinking like all hangovers’ mornings _I won’t drink alcohol ever again_.

“I’m glad you find the use to this.” Howon smiled as he got in the room. “I wasn’t feeling up to clean after you with antiseptic bleach.”

“Thanks.” Sunggyu muttered, livid, feeling ready to puke again at the sight of the basin.

As if getting the clue, Howon put the bowl he had in his hands on the nightstand and took the basin away from him.

“You have to eat something before taking your medicine. I’m not the best cook, but I found a dehydrated broth bag in your cupboard, miraculously not expired so I made it. Try to drink it.” Howon said, leaving the room, probably to clean the basin.

Sunggyu’s eyes followed him and he felt a wave of gratefulness before eying at the soup he made. Howon truly wasn’t much of a cook, considering it was an activity Woohyun gladly took it upon himself, so what Sunggyu had was a simple chicken broth with noodles. However Howon had the decency to add some chopped carrots, green onions and a piece of chicken breast so it wasn’t so bad. A bit salty, but considering it was from Howon, Sunggyu couldn’t help but feel pampered. Howon was known in their gang to be allergic to anything related to domestic chores. They get earfuls of Woohyun’s complains often, but it was always put in an endearing way. Sunggyu felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. Despite a painfully slow start, Woohyun and Howon really found each other. The fact that Sunggyu could never have something as simple yet beautiful as their relationship hurt a little, deep inside.

 

A few days later, Dongwoo investigated a dinner gathering to celebrate his engagement, and a restaurant is partially booked for the group. Dongwoo invited the complete gang, the six of them, as well as some childhood friends and colleagues. His now fiancé, Hyejin, has done the same. At first Sunggyu firmly intended to not go. But when Howon pointed out it would be weird if he was the only one not showing up and that Dongwoo would be disappointed, Sunggyu sighed and said reluctantly that he’ll make a quick appearance before leaving early, saying he was sick.

The first thing Sunggyu notice was the ring around Hyejin’s left ring finger. It’s a beautiful [diamond solitaire](https://img0.etsystatic.com/050/1/8078153/il_570xN.687664586_5n7p.jpg), which he learned later in the conversation, coasted Dongwoo a little over 6,000$. While everyone’s admiring her engagement ring, Sunggyu can’t help but look away. Others’ happiness, particularly this couple’s happiness, is really hard for him to handle. Seeing Dongwoo happy always contributed to Sunggyu’s own joy, but those times are over now. Since the dancer met Hyejin, the constant knowledge that the girl was the reason of Dongwoo’s smiles, laughs and overall happiness was a perpetual stabbing in his heart. As agreed earlier, Sunggyu waited until the first course was over to get up, making his friends, Dongwoo included, look at him. He avoided Dongwoo’s gaze to look at Howon, his only anchor.

“Sorry everyone, but I have to leave.” he excused himself. “I’m sick and I feel really tired. I only came for a bit. I don’t think I can party with you all night.”

“Oh really hyung ?” Sungjong said. “You should go and rest then.” he said, smiling.

“Yeah hyung, no one will blame you if you’re sick.” Myungsoo said seriously.

“It’s already good you came anyway.” Sungyeol grinned.

Sunggyu nodded, smiling at his friends, grateful that they believed him so easily. What was strange though, was that Dongwoo said nothing. Sunggyu could feel his gaze on him, he recognized the feeling, but he avoided to meet his eyes.

“You need a ride hyung ?” Howon asked. “I don’t feel at ease letting you drive while you’re sick.” He said, already standing up.

Sunggyu nodded without a word. He felt like crying, at the verge of breaking down and Howon probably noticed, leading him to drive him back. Maybe it was his quiet and observant nature, but Howon was good at reading people, and comforting them too. Woohyun gave a look to Howon, then drifted to Sunggyu, suspicious by how fast this whole thing went, almost as if it was orchestrated. Dongwoo seemed to think the same, glancing from one to the other.

“Are you coming back ?” Woohyun asked Howon, putting a hand on his arm.

“I’ll probably head back home. I’m tired too.” Howon gave him a gentle pat on the hand. “I’ll take Sunggyu hyung’s car to drive him back and get a taxi from his apartment. You keep the car, but don’t drive if your drink.”

Woohyun nodded in agreement, still looking puzzled.

“Dongwoo hyung, congratulations again for your upcoming wedding.” Howon said.

Dongwoo stood up and the two friends hugged, a few smacks on the back for the manly gesture.

“Hyejin-ah, take good care of my hyung ok ? I wish you both the best.” Howon said.

She chuckled, nodding.

Dongwoo and Howon separated, and the future groom looked expectantly at Sunggyu. He avoided looking at Dongwoo all night, but now that his eyes met his dark orbs, Sunggyu was stuck by the reason behind it. This, all of it, was a celebration for everyone, a wedding being indeed a reason to rejoice over. But to Sunggyu, the aisle didn’t led to the altar but to a cemetery. Boldly put, Dongwoo’s wedding will be the funeral of his unrequited love.

That realisation hit him even more violently, because he wasn’t prepared. And he wasn’t prepared, mostly, at so much pain. As he stood there, frozen, he felt tears accumulating in his eyes and started to panic. He couldn’t cry here, right now ! People would talk and ask questions, he couldn’t allow that. Thankfully, he was once again saved by his usual saviour. As soon as Howon saw hints of distress on Sunggyu’s face, he grabbed his hand and dragged him out of here.

Contrary to what he told Woohyun previously, Howon waved for a taxi as soon as they were out. Thankfully it was a crossroad so one immediately parked in front of them. Howon helped Sunggyu to get in before climbing beside him. He told the driver Sunggyu’s address before looking at his friend, and his heart squeezed painfully at the sight. Sunggyu was shaking, both of his hands covering his mouth as he tried to suppress his sobs, heavy tears blurring his vision. Howon immediately reached for him and pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back to show him he was there for him. Sunggyu leaned in his embrace, sobbing violently against his chest as the radio played the soundtrack of his unrequited love.

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_

_When you're too in love to let it go_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

* * *

 

**~~~ Six Months Later ~~~**

 

D-DAY. As Sunggyu fidgeted in front of the mirror, trying to get fix his tie properly, he heard a knock on the door. Through the mirror, he saw Sungjong coming to the room.

“Need help with that ?” the maknae teased.

Sunggyu growled at his smugness but nodded anyway. He needed help anyway.

“Seriously hyung, what people would think if they knew the groom’s best man was unable to fix his tie ?” he smiled at him.

Sunggyu shrugged. The opinion of strangers he’ll probably never see again wasn’t a big concern for him.

“Here, perfect.” Sungjong took a step back, admiring his work. “Dongwoo hyung asked for you you know ? He is greeting the guests outside.”

Everyone had been aware of the loosening ties between their two elders. More than anyone, their maknae could not stand the situation. He did not want their beautiful story of friendship to end, he wanted it to last forever, infinitely. But Sungjong had to learn to grow up, because everyone must move forward in life and sometimes even the bounds of friendships are distended with time and distance.

“What about the others ?” Sunggyu inquired.

“Well, Sungyeol hyung and Myungsoo hyung are probably Facebook lurking every woman here, Woohyun hyung was helping Dongwoo’s mother with the placement of the guests and Howon hyung is downstairs with Dongwoo.” Sungjong answered.

Sunggyu chuckled at their maknae’s slight annoyance when Woohyun put his head through the ajar door.

“Guys, the ceremony is about to start. The bride should be here any minute now.” he informed them.

The three of them joined everyone in the chapel downstairs. Dongwoo was standing on the left side of the altar, his friends lining up behind him. Sunggyu took his place behind the groom as they arranged himself in in order of age, Woohyun sliding between him and Howon and Sungjong getting behind Myungsoo, even though he was pretty enough to go to the bridesmaids’ side, Howon pointed out earlier.

After a minute or two of silence, the wedding march music resounded in the chapel, the bride arriving at her father's arms. Sunggyu glanced over his shoulder to see the people he considered like the family he had built. Woohyun had a hand behind his back, secretly holding onto Hoya’s own. Sungjong looked emotional, leaning slightly on Myungsoo’s back for both moral and physical support. Sunggyu smiled to himself, feeling proud to count each of them in his life. After all, weren’t friends a family that is chosen ?

On this thought, he looked before him where Dongwoo stand. He looked amazed and beyond ecstatic as his soon-to-be wife walked down the aisle. As if he felt Sunggyu’s eyes on him, he momentarily looked over his shoulder and their eyes met. Dongwoo beamed at him with his signature toothy smile.

“I’m so happy hyung.” He whispered, sounding over the moon.

“I know.” Sunggyu whispered back with an indulgent smile before motioning his friend to remain attentive to the ceremony.

The bride was now at their level and Dongwoo bowed to his future father-in-law before taking Hyejin’s hand, leading them in front of the ceremony officer.

“Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate the engagement, commitment and love of this couple, uniting them in holy matrimony.” He man said. “If any of you has reasons why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Sunggyu could feel an intense feeling of being stared at and he almost chuckled, thinking Howon might burn holes in the back of his head if he kept staring. Sunggyu smiled at him over his shoulder, showing him not to worry. He was fine, really.

“Love is a story everyone experienced. Some are short, others long. Some are yet unwritten, while others are blossoming. Love might come across challenges, but it still remains the best adventure human kind has ever known.” The officer started. "You fell in love by chance, but you're here today because you're making a choice. You both are choosing each other, vow to take care of each other, to stand up for one another, as long as you shall live.”

Sunggyu listened to a slight sniffle and guessed Sungjong was already sobbing.

“Ahn Hyejin-shi, do you take Jang Dongwoo-shi to be your wedded husband, to live together in marriage, to love him, comfort him, honor him, and keep him, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, so long as you both shall live ?”

“I do.” She answered without a single doubt.

The officer gave her a nod before turning to Dongwoo.

“Jang Dongwoo-shi, do you take Ahn Hyejin-shi to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage, to love her, comfort her, honor her, and keep her, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, so long as you both shall live ?”

“Yes !” Dongwoo answered eagerly, a bit too excited. “I mean I do.” He added, making the guests chuckle.

“May I have the rings ?” the officer asked.

Sunggyu stepped forward and handed him [the rings](http://salst.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/where-does-the-wedding-ring-go-different-ideas-11-on-ring-design-ideas.jpg) before getting back to his spot.

“Ahn Hyejin-shi, as you place the ring on the groom’s finger, please repeat after me: with this ring, I pledge my love and faithfulness to you, today, tomorrow and as long as I shall live.”

Hyejin took the ring made for Dongwoo and put it on his left ring finger, looking him in the eye as she said the words “With this ring, I pledge my love and faithfulness to you, today, tomorrow and as long as I shall live.”

Dongwoo was smiling so widely he would’ve passed for a fool outside of the context. He took the ring destined to his wife and put in on her finger.

“Hyejin-ah, with this ring, I pledge my love and faithfulness to you, today, tomorrow and as long as I shall live.” he promised her.

They were lost in their little bubble, smiling at each other happily, lost in their Care Bears Land.

“The rings being exchanged, it is my great pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” The officer concluded, a fond smile directed to the young couple.

When they kissed, it wasn’t any kiss. It was the _they lived happily ever after_ , fairy tale ending kiss level. The guests on the benches stood up to applaud, some screaming _Long live the newlyweds !_

Sunggyu and the rest of the band applauded with the others. Sungyeol made enough noise for the seven of them and Woohyun whistled.

The newlyweds walked down the aisle arm in arm, leaning on each other, receiving a mix of petal flowers and white grains of rice as it was custom. Hyejin and Dongwoo were laughing, and anyone laying his eyes on them would’ve notice how well-matched and happy they looked together. Sunggyu felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around to see the Howon, concern written all over his face. For good measure, Sunggyu poked at his frown, between his eyebrows.

“You’ll get early wrinkles if you keep frowning like that.” he joked.

“Come on hyung, let’s get to the reception tent. The best man has a speech to give.” Howon teased him, putting an arm around his shoulder before dragging him along.

 

As the dinner was being served under the golden marquee in the chapel’s big garden. A long table was disposed, the newlyweds, their family and closest friends sitting on one side of it, facing the other guests’ tables. They had dinner, conversations, laughter and music in the background highlighting the festive and joyful atmosphere. Just before the newlyweds’ dance, Dongwoo’s mother said someone should say a speech, and Howon immediately proposed Sunggyu.

“Do I have to ?” the eldest of the band whined, making his friends laugh.

“I would like you to do it.” Dongwoo said, and Sunggyu found himself tongue-tied, Dongwoo’s soft voice and velvet eyes being his personal kryptonite.

So he rose and grabbed the first cutlery he found –a coffee spoon, thank you Sungjong– and tapped his glass to get the attention of the guests.

“Good evening everyone.” He started politely, a bit nervous. “My name is Kim Sunggyu and as you can see Dongwoo asked me to be his best man for the day. Except we all know that today that title does not belong to me, otherwise I would've been the one getting married.”

Everyone laughed, and Sunggyu indulged himself a smile as well.

“I guess I could call myself his best friend but I think we all know that today that title no longer refers to me either. That title belongs to Hyejin, the one Dongwoo chose to spend the rest of his life with. I couldn't be happier knowing that you found someone as kind and honest, to love you the way you deserve to be loved. But as I am leaving your best friend's spot to hand it over to Hyejin, I want you to know one thing. A fundamental thing I wish you'll never forget. I will always truly, completely, sincerely, unconditionally, love you.”

The room was now incredibly quiet, the silence so thick and heavy it could've been cut with a knife. Everyone seemed to be hung on Sunggyu's words to determine if Sunggyu was saying a touching speech or if they assisted to a live confession. Sunggyu saw Sungjong clasp his hands above his mouth agape to silence a scream, Myungsoo's eyes about to pop out like an old-school comics character, Sungyeol looked so shocked it was comical and lastly, Woohyun holding Howon's hand for dear life, tears rolling down his cheeks. They understood, Sunggyu realised. Lastly, he looked at Howon, and the younger smiled at him, giving him a thumb up. Sunggyu knew, no matter what happened, that they would be here for him, and that thought enough was reassuring.

But the scariest thing was probably looking at Dongwoo. The younger man had always been an open book, so Sunggyu was scared what he would portray. Would it be hate ? Disgust ? Rejection ? Sunggyu was terrorized by his reaction, but he decided to look forward anyway, and he wasn’t backing down now. A cleanly cut was probably what was best for them. As his eyes dared to meet Dongwoo’s, he faced nothing he expected. Dongwoo’s face was blank, which was so unnatural it scared him even more. It was as if the sky had fallen on his head and he was too shaken to express anything. So Sunggyu smiled, the kind you give to say it’s ok, because really, even if his love couldn’t be returned, Dongwoo was a wonderful person and he was proud and happy of being by his side, even just like a friend.

“Like a friend loves a friend, and like a hyung loves a dongsaeng, I will always be here for you, whenever you need me. Now ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glass and toast Dongwoo and his new best friend and wife Hyejin. Let's wish them all the luck and happiness in the world, because they both deserve it. To Dongwoo and Hyejin !”

The tension that had accumulated dropped all at once and the guests raised their glasses in a toast to the newlyweds. Sunggyu himself took a sip of champagne for form before putting down his drink. He felt Howon, who was sitting beside him, putting a hand on his arm. Sunggyu looked down to him, realising he couldn’t sit down and party anymore. He wanted to leave, because he felt about to cry and he rather not make a fool of himself in public.

“I’m leaving.” he whispered to Howon.

“Hyung…” Howon tried to reason with him.

“Don’t give me that tone Howon-ah. I need to go.”

Sunggyu didn’t even dare to look at his friends, all of them still processing the shock. Sunggyu removed kindly Howon’s hand from his arm and left the marquee, disappearing into the night. Even if the majority of people here didn’t understand the importance nor relevance of the scene they just assisted to, the remaining gang were looking at in each other in a mix a disbelief, shock, uneasiness and even sadness.

Howon was the first one to react, standing up and ready to follow him. As Dongwoo was about to stand, Howon dissuaded him with an unequivocal tone, tinged with anger.

“Don’t.” he said, his palm directed to him.

 When Howon left, Woohyun was immediately on his heels, Sungjong also standing up to join him. Myungsoo, for once in their dimension, get up to follow them as well. Sungyeol made two steps to follow the gang before turning back, grabbing two bottles of champagne.

“We’re going to need that.” He justified before the disapproving look of Dongwoo’s mother-in-law before dashing out as well.

 Howon scanning the darkness, looking for Sunggyu, when someone grabbed him. He turned around only to meet someone’s fist. He stumbled backwards, cupping his jaw before looking up to see a furious Woohyun and a shocked Sungjong. Myungsoo was walking toward them and frowned, not understanding what was going on.

“You knew !” Woohyun screamed in an accusing tone, his arms along his body, fists clenched. You knew and you didn’t tell me !”

“I was respecting his will !” Howon defended himself. “Sunggyu hyung didn’t wanted anyone to know !”

“Why do you know then ?” Woohyun asked.

“I observed… and I noticed.” Howon said frankly. “When I confronted him about it, he didn’t deny it.”

“That’s why you got so close.” Sungjong realised.

“Can someone fill me in ? What did I miss ?” Sungyeol said after running toward them, one bottle of champagne in each hand.

“Well if I followed well Sunggyu hyung is in love with Dongwoo hyung, he had been for a long time and only Howon hyung noticed.” Myungsoo recapitulates.

“I feel awful.” Woohyun said, about to cry again. “He is my best friend since he became my roommate in college. How could I not see ?”

“Woohyunie don’t blame yourself.” Sungjong said, hugging him by the side. “The most important thing now is to find Sunggyu hyung.”

“I don’t have network.” Howon said, his phone held high. “What an idea, getting married in the depths of the countryside…”

“I guess we have to use the good old methods.” Sungyeol said.

As his friends looked at him with a frown, he added.

“We search the area until we find him.”

Despite Sungyeol’s idea was what the only thing they could do, it wasn’t very successful, until their precious maknae pointed out something.

“I know where Sunggyu hyung went !”

“What are you saying ?”

“I remember Hyejin noona saying this chapel was close to a beach at that’s the reason why they picked this location.”

“Do you know where it is ?” Myungsoo asked.

Sungjong’s sudden lost confidence answered the question. Thankfully, in the street after the chapel a tiny _bunshik_ restaurant was still open despite the late hour. After getting directions to the beach from the nice owner, they set off.

 

Sunggyu couldn’t remember how he got here, but he felt peaceful for the first time in a long time. The coming and going of the waves helped. The night was a bit fresh, but the beautiful show of the pale moon and shining stars was worth the cold. He couldn’t admire such a pure sky in Seoul. He didn’t know how long he sat there, looking at the sea, when he heard whispers and footsteps. He didn’t move though, staring into the dark horizon. He only reacted when someone sunk down beside him. He wasn’t able to react, immediately pulled into a tight hug, what he recognized to be Woohyun’s embrace. When the younger lad eventually sat back, they shared a look more meaningful than any words they could have said. As Woohyun sat at his left, leaning slightly on his side, Sunggyu felt someone wrapping an arm around his shoulders, leaning his head on one of them. He looked at his right and saw Sungjong’s pouting face.

“Sunggyu hyung, how dare you to leave us alone among strangers ?” the maknae said.

“You’re lucky I was able to steal some booze.” Sungyeol said, sitting next to Woohyun. “Crap ! I forgot the corkscrew !” he realised.

“Bravo Sungyeol ! Now how we’re suppose to drink ?” Myungsoo said, annoyed, as he sat next to him. “You’re a real pabo you know ?”

As the two trees started to bicker childishly, Sunggyu saw Howon sitting down next to Sungjong. He put his hands behind him and leaned like this, turning his head to give him a smile.

“Oh ! I think I have a corkscrew in my Swiss army knife.” Myungsoo had a sudden brain-wave.

None of them asked why he had such a tool on him, especially on a wedding. They all knew it was better not to know. Anyway, despite Myungsoo’s acknowledge weirdness, they were able to open the bottles.

“Pass it on.” Sungyeol asked Myungsoo after opening the first bottle. “We only have two so let’s make one for three, ok ?”

Myungsoo nodded, passing it on to Woohyun who passed it on to Sunggyu. When the bottle came to him, Sunggyu drank gulps in one go, arousing the enthusiastic cheers of the youngers.

“Wow Sunggyu hyung ? Who knew grandpa could hold his liquor ?” Sungyeol teased.

“Shut up.” Sunggyu told their prankster before passing the bottle to Sungjong, who took a gulp before passing it to Howon.

They sat like this for a while, Sungyeol, Myungsoo and Woohyun sharing a bottle, and Sunggyu, Sungjong and Howon the other.

“You know what we should do ?” Sungyeol said after a moment of silence.

“Of course you wouldn’t shut up.” Howon deplored.

Sungyeol stood up, a cheeky grin on his face. When he started to remove his shoes, Sunggyu got it.

“Come on Sungyeol it’s too cold.”

“Maybe for you grandpa.” he grinned. “But the opportunity is too good not to take a midnight swim.”

“Actually, it’s 4 a.m.” Sungjong pointed out.

Sungyeol shrugged as he removed his blazer.

“Let’s play a game. The last one in is driving us back to Seoul.” he said, disregarding his last clothes on the sand before running away to the water.

The remaining guys looked at each other before rushing to take off their clothes. Howon was the first one to follow Sungyeol’s steps, only wearing his boxers. Myungsoo and Sungjong followed after that, so did Sunggyu and Woohyun.

“Aish it’s cold !” Sunggyu shrieked as his body got immersed in the water.

He wasn’t able to complain more as someone pushed him underwater. As he got to the surface, coughing, he looked around to look for the culprit who was swimming away with ease, a mischievous smirk adorning his face.

“Yah Lee Howon ! I’m going to kill you !” he screamed.

“Oh I’m shaking !” Howon laughed from afar.

“Don’t worry hyung, we’ll take him down together.” Woohyun proposed, swimming nearby.

Another scream was heard. This time it was Sungjong, because Myungsoo just splashed water at his face. They spend the rest of the time either splashing each other’s faces or trying to sink each other. Eventually, the day wasn’t so bad, as well as Sunggyu’s existence. Happiness can take many forms, and sometimes we don’t get the form we wish for, but we still have another form of happiness. And right now, the laughs, joys, sorrows mistakes, sassy comebacks, mischievous pranks, sleepless nights and foolishness this friendship offered them was the most beautiful form of happiness of all.

 

 

 

 

> _To our youth, to our twenties, let’s live each day of our lives as we did then, surrounded by the people who matter the most._
> 
>  


End file.
